History has made it mark again!

This time I let him decide. According to him, given the facts, he doesn't want to pursue. Likewise I said, lapses and risk behavior bring circumstantial events - and there were tons.

We both have arguments, though his are still dug from the past, almost from the time we started this. I guess it falls under the foundation and the starting line or he just can't forgive what had happened yesterday.



Open poll: If somebody asks you to change for you, would it be fulfilling to change it for other or for yourself? Definitely for yourself, right? Its called meddling with your intrapersonal dilemmas. If he has so many issues and firmly believes that we do not meet even halfway of our wavelengths and kept on rubbing that we're not destined for each other, its like a brass band waking you up in the wee hours of morning.

I might be the most apathetic person on earth but this was honed due to what happened in the past. If I accepted him as he was and as he is, all in love is fair, I should be receiving the reciprocity of it and not be bombarded with cloud 9 expectations to be molded into a new individual based on his intentions.

As what I told Gus, this may not be final. But if I have intrapersonal issues, based on clinical studies and my belief, the most effective way to reprimand is within and literally if the other has self-inflicting issues, too, shouldn't he be fixing himself first than forcing the former to fix it for himself?

Eleven in the morning. Perimeter Philippine's HR Manager noticed it. I was so transparent; confused and aligaga. I had a quick talk with her. She was empathic yet suggesting some hilarious ideas. Hahaha. Thanks Ms. Jen for offering help to refer my ex for a possible work.

Almost noon. I bought a quick lunch from Jollibee. I waited for him in front of McDo Annapolis Cubao *inserts irony here*. He was late. I didnt know where we came from but he just had his shower and was wearing his manly perfume. I asked him to rent a room in a nearby motel so we could talk. Knowing me, I dont want anybody seeing my weaknesses, and that includes him.

Thirty minutes there was silence until we saw each others souls together. It was the most subtle, forgiving and affectionate event of my life so far. Without any arguments, we bid farewells, apologies and gratitude toward each other. I have never felt so calm like this in my entire life.

Less than a quarter past Three. He uttered his last goodbye. I broke down into tears. I have never bursted out this burden since we parted ways. I wanted to scream but nothing was coming out of my mouth except deep hoarse of weeping grief.

Time will tell how long both of us will be healed... and ready. Till we meet again.


Mood: Down
Location: Sister's room
Music: Kris Lawrence - Careless Whispers

This is it!

This will be the last time that I will be taking my last rest inside this condo.

I could still remember the first time I saw it all bare, and the first time Carl and I slept here when we moved my bed to get the feeling of having our 'own'.

The place is still unorganized but the remaining stuff are just my clothes. 4 Balikbayan boxes and a few appliances. Later this afternoon, I will be moving back to Pink Room. Its a mixed emotion because I am going back to my parents yet I am leaving 'our place'.

It just really saddens me whenever I am here. If I have put more trust on him... or he has been more stable mentally or emotionally.



Mood: Lonely
Music: Nina (Nina Sings the Hits of Diane Warren) - Love Will Lead You Back
Location: NY Mansions

x-posted on:
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Facebook Notes

I have been very silent on blogging recently. I guess having a very fulfilling relationship would make you settled.

Yes, you read it correctly, I am settling. Though, there's a great chance of not being with him again due to physical distance, I am enjoying and cherishing every moment that hes with me.

I just passed the written examination for my Resolution Expert certification last Friday. We had our graduation, too. Im in my incubation period for two weeks-then start of my audits to be a certified RE. Wish me luck! :D

According to Paul Castro (August Rush), “It’s like someone’s calling out to me, only some of us can hear it.” “Only some of us are listening", Wizard replied.

Its our first day of calling. Its weird that I still feel a bit scared though I have mastered the tools when I was still in eTelecare. I guess the hard part is still selling the contract.

Help me! My panties fell off the floor all wetty! Jeff brought a friend earlier and I was introduced as "boyfriend". Though labelling shouldnt be an issue now, still, its nice to hear those words coming from his mouth.

Anyway, I wanted to rant about what happened to my Fitness First Membership ID when it was accidentally given to another member.

Not too much to talk about. In case you have nasal congestion, I would recommend Oxymetazoline HCl. Seriously, after three sprays, my nasal fluid kept on rushing inside my throat and my nostrils. Hahhaa, gruesome but true.

These were the excruciating words that kept on slivering every part of my heart.

I perfectly understand the possible underlying reasons behind this. But for me, it is unfair, shows perfect infidelity and inhumane.

As much as I wanted to go into details, my fingers are trembling whenever I think of the words to compose. I couldnt believe that what has been happening to me is so ironic with my apathetic attitude. Also, emotional masochism has been integrated into my way of thinking recently.

My friends are right, its just an easy way out. Just leave the house and move on. How I wish it could be that easy.

I know my capabilities and myself. My mind tells me to leave but my conscience, instinct and my heart tell me to pursue. Ive never been analytical when it comes in choosing decisions in my life, a typical Taurean. Besides, I always believe that there are no wrong decisions, it might just be inappropriate - it just becomes wrong if you cant sustain it.

Pretty much I am losing focus now. But endorphines help me keep going. As what Faye and I agreed, I cant afford to skip work financially and mentally. According to Gus, I never lost my focus with regards to my career, specifically. Berns, might be right as well, its coming to a point that im reaching my saturation point. But when I hear his voice, feel his carresses, trust and love bring back.

I know in soon time, if this occurs again and piles up, I wont hate or curse him, rather I would consider myself worthless.

God help me. This time, I am serious.

I almost lost him.

I was very selfish. But all I was thinking and feeling...was just him. Somebody has to leave for Japan support his family. He doesnt want to fall in love with me deeply because it would just make him more depressed. Thinking that the idea of leaving the country is already very stressful, what more if he can't leave anymore because he's settled and happy with me?

I might sound very one-sided but all I asked was him to cherish the moment while he's still here. Having the opportunity to know and grow with each other even for a short period of time.

I don't base love on tenure nor intensity. It might be hard to express how you feel for somebody but through actions and perception it could be dealt accordingly.

I swear, I cherish every moment when I am with him. Not to mention he's not an average guy you would think of (I mean something different here). But one of the rules cited in The 7 Rules of Success is taking risks.

I think I have found my perfect Taurean.

Just finished watching SATC in The Podium with the girls and Carl.

Gus in his Charlotte look.

Faye in her Carrie-fab dress who seeks for love.

Joanne in her sophiscated getup.

And me, although in not my fabulous PR charisma, yet with my hottie boyfriend, Carl.

Its the sequel of the HBO series you loved, but now, it talks about what happens to love after you found it. The same cast and setting were used. The morning breakfast, their own characters derived from the original plot. I swear, I miss these girls.

Faye asked me earlier, "Why arent you in your utmost fab outfit?".

"I havent been home yet, and these are his clothes. Besides, it came to a point that I realized that I dont need to look good in public because I have already found what I have been looking for." That was my reply.

Later, I will post a picture with the four of us, and me holding a big paper cone with popcorn in it. Its pretty funny because it looks like a boquet given by Carl :P


Miranda, Charlotte, Carrie and Samantha (in her chemo period) Hahhaa

There were few quotables from the movie that talks about your in search for true love. This is a good movie that you shouldnt miss.

Its pretty unusual for me to have my head shaved off for no particular reason. For the past few months, I think I had it done three times due to uber depression, in terms of work-life balance and especially relationship with my past partners.

But this time, it is different. With overflowing happiness and fulfillment with career and love, I had it done! Not to mention that it was the sign that I am technically committed again if I shave my head again. This certainly proves that emotions that I feel are not always depression, humdrum, melancholy, sadness, frustration or even sadness, having someone worthy in your life can suddenly flip the way you view your life.

By the way, this was taken earlier when we attended Sari's Body Jam class in Metro East. :D

Been very inattentive today with the modules. Good thing most of the topics are just soft-skill based. At least I finished the lab exercise way ahead so I could read more of his blog entries.

It seems like he has suffered much. The sentence, "Am I playing with fire?" still keeps on roaming inside my head. Preoccupied with the things happened for two days. I admit, it was the best thing that happened in my life. This is a no-joke. I am not doing this to impress or win him. As you all know, I have been very honest with my online journal, ever since.

Its nice to have these mixed emotions again. I thought I would just spend time in the gym and force myself working so hardly as to not let myself think that I am loser trying to facade things that its normal to be alone.

Guess not. Again, I hope this a worthwhile decision.

I attended my highschool's friend's wedding last Saturday in Sariaya, Quezon. Ill just post the pictures once I have the soft copies. It was a Christian wedding and the Nazareth Christian Fellowship Reverend Edgar led the ceremony.

Of course, the Frontliners had their Sunday routine again. Although this time, I introduced a friend. Its hard to discuss my perceptions and feeling as he's looking behind me while im composing this entry.

Too hard and early to tell but I hope he's worthy spending time with.

Also, Im looking forward in reading this: